BBDW 39 [Black Butterfly] - Nevereverland
Lying on his hospital
bed at midnight with the lights off, Jude was not surprised at the sound of the
door opening. It was different to expect something and to accept it readily,
thus Jude displayed his displeased face to the utmost.
"Why again?"
"Oh, my God, was
my visit so much a crime?"
With that faint
laughter, which he had become a little used to it, the man who finally comes
into view sat down by Jude's bed. Looking at the sulky face for a moment, Alvin
tilted his head slightly.
"Do you have something
to say?"
“.......You, why did
you kill people really?”
"I thought I'd
already told you that."
"Being curious
about human durability is a good reason, but it's not enough. You didn't have
to kill those people just out of curiosity, you could go after prostitutes or
homeless people like other serial killers. There's a lot less risk of getting
caught. But you're mainly targeting the people who lived well around you. Well, some people were pissed off. That's a little later. What's the
reason?"
"...... well,
you're right...... if it's another reason......"
Alvin, who tilted his
head for a moment like a student questioned by a teacher, slowly opened his
mouth while touching his chin.
"Well...... maybe
it's because I can’t stand it anymore."
"Can't stand it?”
On Alvin's face, a
slightly unfamiliar aura was manifested. At first glance, it seemed like a
contempt display, but then he also has the look of mockery. In his voice, there
was an unpleasant sentiment that comes out.
"You feel it,
don't you? It's not as easy as you think to live with a perfect mask.
You can do it if you want to, but it's not something I want to do. After years
of living in that state, I feel like I want to break the mould. I feel the need
to change my mask or throw it off, but that will make it futile for people who
have been positive about the shape of my mask so far. Words and actions that
showed affection for my mask, those tiny little things, were an opportunity for
me."
"So to break free from that mask, you picked those people first? The rude people were just secondary
choices in the process?"
“I was also curious.
It was in line with my purpose. It's not impossible to guess at all, is it? I'm
sure you have a moment like that where the more you try to blend in with them,
the more you realize that you are an alien to them."
The light blue-grey
eyes sank a little deeper. Looking into the eyes silently, Jude laughed and
shrugged.
"Oh, what are you
talking about? That's an obvious slander for someone like me who has a good relationship
with people."
"Hahaha, is that
so? By the way, why are you asking me that all of a sudden? What
happened?"
"...... you don't
want to touch the family of the people you killed, do you?"
Alvin, with a slightly
puzzled look, smiled.
"Of course. I'm a
little less interested in that area these days. I'm sure you know. But
why?"
"Today, Linda
Brown's family came. They asked me to catch you. They spout something like you
killed a girl who said she liked you, and why should a girl who never hurt anyone
die? Neither her brother nor her mother looked senseless. By the way, you're
making my life a mess."
"Oh, that's distressing.
But....."
Alvin's eyes painted
a slightly darker smile. The eyes were full of ridicule, and Jude looked at
them in wonder.
"What, why?"
"A girl who has
never hurt anyone...... did they say so?"
"Well, why. Is
that a problem?"
"As expected, sin
is relative. Or her family is just insensitive. One hand is simply not enough to sum
up Linda's hectic confession of her sins to me before she died."
"……confession? You're
not even a priest. Why would she confess?"
"Well, maybe she
thought I was being asked to do something like this because of some grudges.
She suddenly blames herself and begs for forgiveness. When she was a student,
she used to conspire with her friends and locked a child in a locker, or when
she joined the company, she hated a rookie of her age who showed outstanding
performance, so she spread dirty gossip until that person resign. It's hard to
say that it was a life that didn't harm anyone, I'm sure."
“....... Is that so, I get
it."
It would have been
incomprehensible for a 25-year-old girl to do such a thing to another person,
without negative feelings or cause. It was understandable why she confided to
him that gibberish called sins. Nodding his head, Alvin giggled again and spat.
"And sometimes
family is very strange. When you're alive, you'll be at odds, but when you die,
you'll become a bond that never happens again. Linda had a lot of grievances about
her family when she was alive, especially her mother. She’s been told that she
was hopeless because she didn't walk the path of life that her mother wanted, or
that she was a whore who sleeps around. And her relationship with her brother seems
to be a little better, but then often complained that she was incompetent to
work for a humble company. I guess she probably wanted a formidable family, that
fits her vanity."
"......just,
that's how a family is. They seem to be on bad terms, but everyone cares."
"If they're going
to do that, they'd better pay more attention when she’s around. Are they sad
because she died a terrible death, or is it because of the anger that comes
from realizing the preciousness of those who was taken away from them?”
"Don't ask me
that, it’s a pipe dream."
Laughing briefly,
Alvin placed his hand lightly on Jude's shoulder. While gently stroking the
shoulder, Alvin slowly leaned down and put his forehead on it. There was no
sign of agitation, and only the quiet breathing filled the small hospital room.
The voice that came after a while, contained a slight smile.
"You can make a
bet."
"What."
"They won't
recognize me even if I'm right in front of them."
"Ha? What are you
talking about all of a sudden? Don't you know that your pictures are all over
the country? And how much the family hates you. They were on the verge of chewing
you alive. You think those people can’t recognize your face, with just a change
of hair colour and glasses?"
"Well, you know.
They've never faced me. People don't easily match the reality with the scattered
wanted photos on TV. Besides, they don't know what kind of man Linda liked.
They just hate me vaguely, just like they need a target. Maybe right now, they’re
blaming me for everything that doesn't work out in life."
"Ah, go ahead.
So, are you going to say it's not your fault?"
"Don't get me
wrong, I don't mean to make excuses. I've just done things out of curiosity and
boredom, and I've made a decision to deal with the consequences, and it's
nonsense to say that I don't want to take the myriad of criticisms that come
with it, but I'm just saying that the people who blame me aren't exactly right
either. Because it's true."
Rising up, Alvin
touched Jude's hair slightly. There was neither cold nor warmth in that smile.
Like the face of a person who calmly contemplates what he observed.
"The tragedy that
happened is the result of overindulgence of all sins. This time they tried to
get everyone's sympathy, regardless of their actual conduct. I understand, but
I can't relate. If it goes like this......."
"If it goes like
this, what? If you touch that family, I'll be damned."
"Oh my God, I don’t
do that easily. I just want to say that I want to tease them a little. I've
been resting quietly for a while these days, so that should be fine."
"...... it's scary
to ask this, but there's no blood in the 'little teasing' thing, right?"
"No, there won’t.
You don't trust me that much?"
"Or, you know,
the mental damage equivalent to the price of blood."
"Don't worry,
they won't be harmed at all."
"...... I don't
believe it......"
As he grumbled
discontentedly, Alvin smiled like a child and tugged at Jude's hair once. It was
a protesting move, and Jude looked at the delicate face with no reassurance at
all. A hand slightly cooler than the body temperature touched his forehead
lightly.
"It's nothing, so
you don't have to worry about it."
His smile was shining
blue and white from the streetlights and moonlight coming through the window of
the hospital room.
* * *
I like how they are so touchy ๐๐ and how he touches his hair . My heart try๐
ReplyDeleteThank you ❤️๐ฏ๐❤️
Yeahhhh ¬‿¬ My sister even suspects me texting my nonexistent bf the whole time I'm translating this ( เน>แด<เน ) And you're welcome.
DeleteI just want kisses
ReplyDeleteWe all want that ¬‿¬
DeleteI feel so happy reading this ๐ญ
ReplyDeleteJude x Alvin is just so precious!
Reading this novel really makes me feel the darkness of humans ๐ for a second I pitied the supporting character who died but the next second I was like What??? She wasn’t all that clean ๐ and that family wasn’t either ๐คฆ♀️
Thank you for the chapter!
Haha I know what you mean. The moment we want to pick a side but neither side are good ¯\_(ใ)_/¯ And you're welcome.
Delete