BBDW 66 [Black Butterfly] - Nevereverland

Section 69, 70 & 71 (UNEDITED)

Bang. The door closed with a little more weary sound than usual. Entering the house without turning on the light, Jude flopped down on the sofa, puffing out a long breath. The cell phone he threw out of his pocket was already pointing to near midnight. He felt nauseated like he was drunk without actually drinking. Jude, who briefly laid his hand on the tumultuous stomach, raised one hand to cover his eyes.

Woong. Wooong. The cell phone vibrated and moved little by little. Jude's shoulders flinched and jumped at the sudden sound that tears the air in the quiet room. The phone he glanced under his hand didn't come up with the name of the person he knew. Jude closed his mouth and looked at the broken clock on the wall. The dry, crooked sound of the second hand and the sound of the cell phone were strangely overlapping, stimulating his nerves. Jude's silent green gaze turned to the little piledriver on the table. It was a phone call that had been buzzing at a similar time these past few days. Jude picked up the phone quickly. The shining cell phone in the dark stung his vision too brightly.

"Hello."

[Finally, you’re taking it.]

It was a familiar voice. His change of cheerful to subdued tone was very subtle.

[Are you feeling better now? If you don't accept it by today, I was thinking of visiting you.]

"No, nothing has improved at all."

[But you accepted it. Can I be happy about that?]

"Not really. Just, avoiding you doesn't seem to make it disappear."

[If I ask you what it is, will you tell me?]

Jude's voice had no ups and downs. The usual absent-minded and laughterless voice rang low in the room like achromatic asphalt.

"Something's going wrong. Almost like only dead fishes are floating on the surface. I'm not sure what it is. But I know I've come some way I can't come back to some extent. I don't know anything specific enough to answer. I wonder if I'll answer even if I know. What's certain is that it's not very good."  

Listening to the silence over the cell phone, Jude sat upright. Even in the dark, the shabby wallpaper of the apartment where he had lived for years was clearly visible. His voice was back to usual in a moment.

"You, just in case, do you know everything about my past?"

[No way, I didn't go that far. I can't deny that I want to try it, but I think I'll be hated if I did it without permission. It's a mystery box that I couldn’t figure out yet, so if you're going to solve it, I'd better be with you. I think that part will be fun too.]

"Why would I do that with you? You have a weird imagination."

Alvin laughed briefly. It was a laugh he hadn't heard in a long time, and Jude shrank slightly uncomfortably. He wasn't sleepy, but the inside of his eyes was hot and a little drowsy. I wonder if I have a fever. Alvin's voice was just calm.

[Do you want to know?]

"I don't want to know."

[Is that so?]

The voice didn't even seem like it was regretting. -But it keeps popping out. And the volume is inflating inside him. Jude, who prized his words, pressed his brow with a long breath.

[Are you tired?]

"Yeah, I'm very tired. I went through the trash to catch a man with a personality disorder. I'm going to sleep now, so hang up."

[Yeah. I'll see you soon. Go to bed.]

"Sounds ugly. I'm hanging up."

Jude, who closed the phone without regret, soon lay down on the sofa for a long time. The appearance of the old couple had already faded from his mind. What emerged as a clearer outline than that was the face of his partner who he had just parted with. A genuinely worried face, a look that would drag him to the hospital if he kept acting like this. Jude's eyes turned downward. His eyes sank deeply.

“How come, to a guy like me...”

Somehow, he got caught by a guy like me. He remembered what he said like a joke. It wasn't actually a joke. Jude had a stiff smile. He was a good person. A good partner and a good friend. It was the axis of relationships that everyone would envy.

"Huh..."

He wanted to drink beer. But the refrigerator was empty. Shaking his head, Jude soon stood up and approached the old used radio. As Jude rummaged through the disorderly stack of cassette tapes next to him, he soon pulled one of them out and inserted it into the radio. After a while, a clearer sound than he thought came out of the old radio. It was the song that Roman Stanberg used when he proposed.

If I were a minstrel I'd sing you six love songs,
To tell the whole world of the love that we share,
If I were a merchant I'd bring you six diamonds,
With six blood red roses for my love to wear,

But I am a simple man, a poor common farmer,
So take my six ribbons to tie back your hair,
Yellow and brown, blue as the sky,
Red as my blood, green as your eyes,

If I were a nobleman I'd bring you six carriages,
With six snow-white horses to take you anywhere,
If I were the emperor I'd build you six palaces,
With six hundred servants for comforting fare,

But I am a simple man, a poor common farmer,
So take my six ribbons to tie back your hair,

If I were a minstrel I'd sing you six love songs,
To tell the whole world of the love that we share,
So be not afraid my love, you're never alone love,
While you wear my ribbons tying back your hair,

Once I was a simple man, a poor common farmer,
I gave you six ribbons to tie back your hair,
Too-ra-lee, too-ra-lie, all I can share,
Is only six ribbons to tie back your hair,
Too-ra-lee, too-ra-lie, all I can share,
I gave you six ribbons to tie back your hair.

All I can give you is six ribbons. No six palaces, six hundred servants, six diamonds and roses, six carriages, six dazzling horses, but six shabby ribbons. Just a ribbon to tie your hair. Jude, who mumbled the lyrics, soon lay down on the sofa and fell asleep. The night breeze was blowing hard outside.

*        *        *

The babbling of children playing house filled his ears. The attic where nobody was there. Stiff fur and thick-tailed rats were popping in and out of the cracks in the wall. I miss mom. Shut up, don't talk about it. Okay, I'm sorry. I don't want him to come in today. Fool, what are we going to do about our meal? Is it rice that he gives us? Even if he gives it to a dog, he won't give it to us. Kik, that is kind of true. I wish I could hit him but I couldn’t. You're right because you're weak. Call me in that case. All we're doing is self-defence, okay, Toby……

The sunlight that came in briefly in the morning poked his eyes. Jude opens his eyes. The cell phone was buzzing like crazy on the table next to the sofa. Looking briefly at the ceiling with half-open eyes, Jude fumbled and reached out to pick up the phone. His voice was a little hoarse, perhaps because of sleepiness.

"Hello."

[Jude? Where are you now?]

Suddenly, an urgent voice broke out. It was the familiar partner's voice, and Jude wondered. Jude rubbed his tired eyes, wondering if there was another emergency. I don't remember sleeping well like a baby these days, but I can't believe I have to run out this early in the morning.  

"Where am I, home. What's wrong with you?"

[What do you mean, what’s wrong? You didn't come out even after a long time to work, and you didn't answer the phone, what were you doing?]

"What do you mean, what time is it?"

[It's 11 o'clock, 11 o'clock! What were you doing? You're making me worry!]

Eleven o'clock? The cell phone clock was really past eleven. Jude was briefly perplexed. It's weird. I always set the alarm. No, I used to wake up in the morning before the alarm went off. Jude jumped up from his lying position and immediately smacked all over his body and groaned briefly in a passing dull pain. His body ached as if he had been hit by several baseballs at the batting practice field. Tim over the cell phone asked in bewilderment.

[What? What's wrong? You're not feeling well?]

"No, I'm fine... sorry, I overslept. Maybe it's because I slept soundly after a long time, that I didn't even hear the alarm. Sorry, I'll be out now."

[Yeah, okay. Are you sure you're all right?]

"Yes. I'll be right there, see you at the station."

After the phone call, Jude froze on the sofa with a stunned face. He couldn't understand the situation at all. Last night, he definitely went to bed as usual. He just took off his jacket and used a faded cushion as a pillow, on an old sofa that he loves more than his bed. Then why is he wearing his jacket now, and why is the jacket dirty? Furthermore, the bloodstains on the jacket did not make his situation look any better. Why do I feel so sick? Holding onto his forehead for a moment, Jude took off his jacket and rolled up his shirt.

There were several bruises on the upper body, which were blue and some are red as if he had a fight with someone. Why on earth? I wondered if I fell down while sleeping on the sofa, but no matter how splendidly I rolled from the sofa, there wouldn't be such round bruises everywhere like this. Jude shook his confused head vigorously. The voice that came out was flatter than his confused head.

"What the hell is going on? Let me think..."

Looking back on his memories, he couldn't think of anything. The blond detective frayed his hair irritably. The most moderate imagination was the assumption that he jumped out of his sofa last night, sleepwalking around the house wearing his jacket and bumped into a table or something.

But the assumption is only an assumption; Jude slowly gets away from the sofa with a slightly dismayed face. Fortunately, the face in the mirror was fine as he scuttled to the bathroom. Jude grabbed the sink for a moment and cleared his head. It was rare for Jude to do something frantically, but now he’s desperately trying to remember something. But after a while, Jude had no choice but to open his eyes, only to remind himself that all efforts did not come at a fair price.

"...there's nothing I can do."

It actually was. He couldn't think of anything, so there was no action he could take. He didn't want to go to the hospital without knowing what was going on. He could have done something troublesome that might have a backlash, but what can he do when it's not even in his memory. It was a surprisingly calm arrangement for himself. Jude, who concluded plainly, took off his jacket for now.

"Let's go to work, then."

He wasn't very happy to see his body creak here and there, but he had to get out working anyway. I wonder if Tim will catch something. Mumbling anxiously once inside, Jude began to pat his body and get ready to go out.

*        *        *

"-Tim!"

When he raised his hand leisurely and greeted him, Tim that was holding the gun from the other side ran to Jude. His face was filled with anxiety and embarrassment.

"Jude, what’s going on? Are you sure you're just sleeping in?"

"Yeah, well, it happens sometimes. It's been so long since I slept soundly. I'm sorry. The Chief’s going to get mad again."

Tim, who was looking at Jude smiling and shrugging his shoulders, soon smiled. He looked like a nursery teacher facing the problem child he always had.

"We won't have time to be lectured by the Chief. I just got a case filed, and it's in Harlem. Let's get the gun and get out of here. Before we run into the Chief."

"Harlem? What's the matter, a quarrel between thugs, or-"

"Someone found a dead child. It was in the trash can, but it seems to have been left for a few days. I just got a report, let's go out and check the details."

"Ah? Why is there a kid out of nowhere?"

"I don't know if it's about child trafficking, or if it's about kidnapping...damn, I don't know why they're dragging a child into this."

Tim gave him a few slaps on the back, telling him to get ready and come out. Trying to ignore the pain that shook his body, Jude raised one hand to answer. The bruises were said to be getting more painful over time, and since he woke up in the morning, even moving some limbs makes it throbbing more and more. Still, it's better than having to explain to Tim. Jude sighed a little and turned around.

*        *        *

Keep calm. For now.