BBDW 78 [Black Butterfly] - Nevereverland

Section 92 & 93 (UNEDITED) 

It was such a busy day that it makes one’s eyes spin. Tim tapped on the keyboard with an irritated sigh. The sun outside the window was already heralding the sunset with its soft glow. The ripple effect of Joshua's episode a few days ago was enormous. The media’s fire on the incident has not been completely extinguished, and the number of children that the prostitutes have linked to their "business" is greater than expected, and the police stations have been running like they were flooded by 911 calls in the last few days. It would be less stressful to have his partner with a laid-back face at times like this. Tim looked at the empty seat with a little bit of disappointment.

"At least a phone call will do..."

The first thing he felt when he heard from Chief that Jude was on vacation was something like a relief - he needs to get some rest too - but as time went by, it was needless to say that he felt somewhat empty. Wouldn't it be strange if a person who had been in arms with him all day suddenly disappeared? But since he doesn't seem well these days, it's a luxury to hope he's still around in this complicated moment.

Tim shook his head, blaming himself lightly.

Woooong. The cell phone on the desk suddenly cried. Surprised for nothing, Tim quickly picked up the phone after seeing the caller ID. The voice that came out was a little tired, but it was brighter than it was during the interrogation.

"Oh, Jude! What's up?"

[What do you mean? I called because I was worried if our Tim-Oppa was doing well without me. How's it going, man?]

A smile crept onto his lips at the calm voice. Tim answered cheerfully, glancing through the data on the monitor.

"Yes, fortunately it's worth it. It's almost over, and I'm going to get ready to go home. I'm tired to death."

[Do you have dinner plans?]

"Huh? Dinner? I don't have any. Why? Are you staying at home with nowhere to go on your vacation?"

[Oh, no way. But I've been hanging out here and there. Just, playing reminded me of Tim who must be struggling a lot. So I'm thinking about buying dinner for my tired partner. It's a great idea, isn't it?]

Tim's eyes grew round. Since he first met with this idle-looking detective, he could easily count on one hand how many times he would buy a meal first.

"Seriously, you're buying me a meal? What happened?"

[What do you mean? I'm saying it out of pure intentions. If you don't want to, I'll just call and eat with a pretty girl.]

"Hahah, no, no. I'm going. I'm going. Where are we going to meet?"

[The other day... well, when was it? You know the Mexican restaurant we ate at about a month ago? I'll see you there.]

"Yes, I see. I'll be there by eight. I'll call you when I get there."

[Yes-]

Replying languidly, Jude hung up the phone first. What's with the change of heart, buying dinner? Or is it just an impulse, he didn't hate it either way. Tim looked at his cell phone and smiled for a while before turning to the monitor again.

 

"Jude!"

Tim waved his hand happily. Jude, who slowly approached the table where Tim sat, was smiling with a slightly silly face as usual. His face looked the most relaxed he has seen in recent years, so Tim was briefly relieved. It seemed that what he needed was a break after all.

"Oh my God, why is your face so haggard? You must have been very busy."

"Of course. Don't you know it's still uproarious? If things don't go well today, I almost couldn't make it out here either."

The usual routine questions and answers about the situation in the police station came and went several times. Touching the food that soon came out and served, only then did Tim ask Jude about his situation.

"By the way, what the hell happened? I can't believe you bought me a meal. Are you sure everything's okay?"

"What's wrong with that? I want to do this too sometimes."

"Really? Not because of any complicated feelings or anything?"

"Wow, Tim. So persistent. It's been a while since I've had a vacation and I'm on my own, so I'm doing this because I had a very good time reflecting on my not-so-long life. What if I lose my Tim who I owe the most in my life. Okay?"  

"What's up, with all that crazy thinking?"

“Right?” - Jude giggled as he agreed. Seeing him eat quesadillas, his appetite seems to have returned, and Tim just laughed along. The specific reason isn't that important, and what's important is that his partner, who had been acting strange recently, seemed to be back to normal. Laughing as he giggled over a joke he saw at the corner of the newspaper this morning, Tim consciously ignored the feeling rising in his chest.

 

- There was no way to know what was going on, but after they came out of the restaurant, Jude even bought beers for him that it throws Tim into consternation. Although he has been told that he has enough money to enjoy his vacation because he had not put much energy into leisure activities, it was still inexplicable for Tim. Anyway, the brown-haired detective, who couldn't refuse the offer, had to drink a small amount of alcohol – since he had to drive – and exchanged huge amounts of words with Jude before leaving the bar.

As he often did, Tim pulled over in front of his apartment with Jude on board. Jude, who got out of the car that had stopped smoothly, approached the entrance of his apartment with a slightly swaying step. The moment the smiling Tim tried to turn the steering wheel, Jude paused for a while, then turned around and approached the car. Soon after, Tim hurriedly lowered the car window which Jude knocks on.

"Tim."

Jude, who briefly called Tim through the window, was silent for a moment. What is it? Tim's eyes got bigger. He was not the kind of partner who hesitated or took his time to say something, so he quickly felt a sense of incongruity. Jude, who was just looking at Tim, soon grinned.

"You know, I've always been kind of grateful, right?"

Tim went blank for a while. He was a little scared when so many unusual things happened. He used to freeload for food, drink, help himself to his car and even his house from time to time, and all he did was just throwing a light thank you – rather, he even took Tim for granted when it comes to food and alcohol – and it was uncharacteristic of him to suddenly come out like this. It's certainly something to rejoice about, but a faintly dark thing stung his heart. Tim, who was thinking about how to answer for a while, ended up laughing awkwardly.

"Oh, come on, you're saying weird things all of a sudden?"

"Just. I thought I should tell you."

"Yes, yes. I think I finally know because you told me today. Do this more often in the future, buy me some food. I thought I might have been dreaming at work when I got a call from you that you’re going to buy me a meal today."

Jud also had a light smile as he struggled to speak in a light tone. Jude, who reached into the car window, tapped Tim on his shoulder.

"Then goodbye."

"Oh, yeah."

Jude, who gave a short greeting, turned around again and headed for his apartment. Tim just replied at the confusion of the moment. Tim, who couldn't take his eyes off him until he disappeared into the apartment, soon turned the steering wheel with a long sigh. He couldn't figure out why his heart was pounding so hard whenever he didn't look okay or when he’s all right. Maybe he’s just being overly concerned and read too much into this situation. Since his parents used to say all the time that he pays too much attention to others. Tim shook his head and turned the steering wheel.

*        *        *

It’s not the first time for Jude to enter his house with no one around, and he took out a bunch of letter papers that had been left unwrapped. Of course, not even the ballpoint pen that he kept in his pocket was ever used to write. Jude, who dusted the paper on the sofa, put the paper on the table and clicked on the ballpoint pen a few times.

The pen flew over the paper. The pen, which was moving without hesitation, paused for a moment and then moved forth again. Jude tugged on his hair lightly. When the pen stops for a little longer, Jude began to fiddle with his pen, playing and turning it around, and it was only about an hour later that he began to write again. Jude's face, as he put the letters in an envelope without reviewing over again what he wrote, did not show anything different than usual. After sealing the flap of the envelope with glue, Jude got up from his seat. Since he was sitting there with his jacket on, he didn't need any other preparations. Fiddling with a pack of cigarettes in his pocket which he bought on the way, Jude walked out of his apartment in no hurry. Before going out, Jude took a look back briefly, which was unusual of him.

 

Fortunately, no one was seen at the house on 146th Street. He just thought it'd be a little troublesome if there were people. Jude re-entered the house filled with gutters and dust smell. There was a white barrel in his hand that he bought from a nearby place. His shoulders hurt a little, and Jude put the barrel he had been holding for a while down on the floor.

Streetlights and neon lights were leaking into the dark house much more than the moonlight. From the outside, an unknown swearing and solicitation were mixed and faintly heard. Inside the strangely quiet house he’s in, the squeaking sound of him taking just one step struck his eardrums like thunder. Creak, creak. Jude, who was slowly circling the room, pulled a cigarette out of his pocket. He used to smoke less than five cigarettes a year but it has increased exponentially in the past few days. But well, it doesn't matter. Jude chuckled.  

The cigarette smoke crept up into the air. The stench of the house leaking into his lungs has been erased a little. Hoo – there was an obscure grey in the long smoke he exhaled. His green eyes, which sank into a deeper colour in the dark, shone like a glass bead under the light of the streetlamp.

"...it wasn’t wrong."

His voice recited shallowly. There was neither great sadness nor condemnation. Really, just 'it wasn't wrong'. What's left is a little bit of regret and a little bit sorrier. Like bone powder that remains after the body burns. Jude, who briefly muttered an apology to a person inwardly, shifted his gaze to the white barrel with a cigarette in his mouth. He did not hesitate to approach and open the barrel. The prickling smell quickly spread into the house. Jude frowned lightly and lifted the white barrel. Jwareureureuk, what was inside the barrel splashed to the floor. Careful not to splash them on your pants.

Be careful not to drop what's in your mouth either. Jude moved his feet dryly, recalling precautions for himself. It took some distributed thinking to scatter what was in the barrel throughout the house. A quarter in this room. A quarter in that room over there. The rest is roughly on the first floor. Jude, who was moving his head from side to side as if humming, finished his work shortly after. The cigarette he had in his mouth still had a long life left.

Jude rapped on his waist for a minute. Still, even though he has a good physique as a detective and constantly walked around all day, if he bent down his back for a long time, the stiffness he felt is all the same. Inside the house filled with pungent smells, the blond man fanned under his nose for a moment while searching his pocket. His hand steadily pressed the number he gave him when he left his apartment a while ago.

"Oh, I'm at 146th Street right now, um, I was wondering if you had time."

Questions came around. Jude yawned for quite a long time and shrugged his shoulders.

"Oh, I thought I'd play with fire for a minute. Do you want to come and see?"

The answer was a mixture of affirmation and clear laughter. And Jude, who closed the flip phone, coughed a few times at where he stands and looked at the cigarette butt he was smoking right now.

 

Standing in front of the back door, watching, it was dark inside the house. It looked like a black hole with its mouth wide open. A black hole that smells like oil. Jude took a step back reflexively. The last deeply sucked smoke tasted no different than ever. Jude took a step back once more and held out his hand holding the cigarette. In the darkness of the night and the house, only the glow and smoke of the cigarette butt were moving as if they were alive. Jude flicked lightly at the cigarette butt.

The cigarette butt fell slowly. Like the slow-motion you experience right before you get into a car accident, the small white embers turned exactly two and a half rounds in the air and fell to the floor. As soon as the tip of the burning butt touched the floor of the house, Jude closed his eyes partially. Since the flames that burned so suddenly was blinding to the eyes.

It happened in a flash. With no time to feel anything in the way it's spreading, the flames go from the first floor to the stairs, from the stairs to the entire second floor, and then it quickly moved to the ceiling. A great deal of heat pushed back his body. Jude took a step back quietly. The house that was old and rotten all over the place twisted into a squeezing sound. Occasionally, dust explosions occurred in the dust pit, and small fireworks erupted with a small bang. Jude, who watched the tumultuous scene, was not surprised when a voice suddenly came from behind his back.  

"Splendid."

His voice answered in a lethargic manner.

"Naturally, the end should be splendid."

"Did you want to do this?"

"Well. It's a small rebellion."

Jude laughed briefly. It was a laugh that gradually disappeared. His eyes looking at the flame were slanted. Slowly approaching and standing next to him, Alvin looked back at Jude. His face was smiling faintly.

"Is a detective supposed to do this? It's quite a great arson crime, even if no one lives here."

"I quit. You didn't know?"

Alvin kept his mouth shut for a moment at the short answer. Jude did not turn his eyes away from the flames. The house was burning better than he thought. The crashing sound was quite blaring. Crunch, plop. Next to Jude, who is silent, and listening to the sound of the large structure sinking, Alvin asked in a low voice.

"... I didn't know. Did you quit?"

"Well, I guess you didn't know because I didn't tell anyone at the station. I've returned my gun and badge, and now I'm an impeccable civilian."

"I see."

Silence passed for a while. The burning sound of the house was echoing loudly, but Jude felt strangely calm. With the house burning down, the silence he felt next to him was unfamiliar. Smiling at the edge of his lips, Jude then opened his mouth without looking sideways.

"I didn't mean to, but if I had to pick the most suicidal time in my life, I'd pick now."

"Is that so?"

Jude spread both of his arms slightly. Crackle, hiss. Scream and urgent voices of people flocking to the front door of the house were heard. But it was far too far away. Looking at the bright fire for a long time, his vision began to blur.

Aunt Shelly, he didn't hate her that much. Shelly, he really liked her orange hair. Although she was quite tight to take care of other people's child alone after her husband died, she was still the closest mother figure he could remember. If she hadn't died like that, would life have changed a bit? What if he hadn't fled the orphanage? What if he'd killed all the people who pushed him into that bleak prison? What if he didn't walk into that alley after he ran away from the orphanage? If it wasn't for that man he met, would something have changed? Jenny and Toby, his half alter egos whom he couldn't help but be best friends. Would Hender Hill have remained Hender Hill to the end if they hadn't disappeared that way? Jude mumbled dryly in his mouth. The thought of being sad and regretful was just cold and numb.

It was a useless and unnecessary assumption. As Alvin once said, it won't change anything. Jude reached his conclusion plainly.

"Why was Hender separated, did you find the answer to it?"

The question flew in unannounced. Jude looked up a little more and saw the top of the house. Black smoke was rising not only from the roof but also from the whole building. Dust and ashes, is there anything from the fireplace? Jude, who was looking at the sparks in a daze, replied blankly.

"Roughly."

"Does it work if I ask you?"

Jude turned his head and looked at the blue-grey-eyed man. He was staring back at Jude with an unchanging face despite the intense fire. A strong wind blew once. The flames surged like crazy. Alvin briefly glanced at the flames and spoke calmly.

"It's going to spread to other houses. The wind is strong."

Jude didn't say anything. Alvin continued, looking directly into Jude's eyes.

"You're going to get people involved now that you do this. Isn't it dangerous?"

The blond man still didn't speak. Jude stood with a strangely contrasting face of light and shadow next to the blazing flames. Alvin's eyes as they seemed to bend had a subtle glow.

"...you don't have to say it, is he gone?"

"Maybe. If you feel it intolerable, you can try to kill me now. I can guarantee a high success rate."

There was no playfulness in the joke. Just like a videotape that suddenly stopped, the two remained motionless in their spot for a long time. Very slowly, the young man whose hair was dyed red-blond by the bright fire, take a step first. Alvin, who approached Jude with a slightly unnatural step, spoke in a whispering voice.

"What I just asked, I haven't heard the answer yet. Why did Hender separate from you?"

"Think for yourself. Fix that bad habit of guessing and asking me again."

"Bad habit, isn't it?"

Alvin giggled quietly. Slowly narrowing the distance, his face stopped leaving enough distance to clearly see what was reflected in each other's eyes. Jude looked into his blue-grey eyes, feeling the heat as if they were engulfing his body. The flame was struggling in the pale eyes. It was quite novel to see the flame like they were screaming in his unshakable eyes. Jude tilted his head slightly.

Words stopped for a long time as never before. Alvin Jones. His name popped up in Jude's head like water seeping on a piece of paper. Alvin Jones. His life has been pretty tiring since this man appeared. The one element that made him stuck trying to protect his life as Jude Green. His idle life, as a detective - odd combination, but mentally – to be exact, his stumbling block to life.

A murderer who kindly reached out to pull up what he had tied to a stone and sunk because he wanted to forget. A stranger. An unforgivable offender. A potential death row inmate, and a black icon of this age. A name that has negative power to attract children playing outside the house. As the idiotic, poor copycat once said, a person who represents the inevitable state of a glorious city - or image that represents its people.

Jude pulled his neck to him roughly.

The lips that suddenly touched were rather cool despite the heat of the fire. Although he may have been stifled by the unexpected action, the blue-grey-eyed man wasn’t stiff at all and responded aggressively. The kiss was a far cry from the chanting that pop singers shouted thousands of times on stage.

Chewing and biting like animals, and somehow unable to easily shake each other’s arms no matter how they raised their claws to scratch the other’s vital point. Jude thought the heat of the fire from his side was too strong. Tears that filled his eyes evaporated again in the excessive heat. The eyelashes had no time to get wet from the blinking eyes. 

What was left after the kiss like a violent fight was only poor breathing. Alvin, who was breathing irregularly, looked down and put their foreheads together, facing Jude. His lightly coloured eyelashes were twitching.

"If I want you to come with me, will you go?"

Jude laughed briefly. It was a little different from his languid, easy-going laugh.

"No."

A concise answer popped out. Jude lightly separates his body from Alvin.

"Giving up my life as a detective doesn't mean that."

"Is that so? Then what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to take my own course, here and there. I haven't done anything wrong yet, and I have nothing to lose. I'm not a wanted person, so I can play around with my money. Well, it's not much."

"Yeah, I'm a criminal, you're a civilian."

Alvin laughed along. Laugh? In front of the former detective with a slightly curious eyebrow, he shrugged.

"Yes, go ahead. But I'm not going to let you disappear from my sight."

"Stalker kid."

"If you don't like it, call the police, Mr Civilian."

A giggle leaked out. Not pushing Alvin who came closer and put their lips together again, Jude looked at the house spewing up the heat to the point where his eyes were stinging. As Alvin said, it was splendid. The sparks were flickering all over the place. From the abrupt rise in heat and the bright but not warm light, he could see flying insects gathering from all directions.

Jude blinked his eyes once. He couldn't see in detail what was flying in a wobbly curve right in front of him. Was it a dull-coloured moth or was it some other insect? Its body that approached the house soon caught fire. The wings burned in an instant. The one with the wings on fire flapped desperately past Jude’s sight. A beautifully sparkling flame drew a long trajectory in the air. The trajectory soon crumbled into black ash and fell to the ground. The ash was pushed by the heat and reached Jude's feet.

Jude's eyes narrowed slightly. He thought a drop of tears would suit the situation, but what came out was just a faintly rotten smile. Jude, who reached out his hand and pushed Alvin's shoulder, bent down nonchalantly and grabbed the ash with his fingertips. Staring at the ash, the blond man quietly clenched his fist with the ash and kissed it lightly. Before long, the black ash was swept by the wind and flew back into the fire. 

The flames head up into the sky, not knowing how to get smaller.

*        *        *

I guess Jude needed to vent and his target happens to be Alvin’s lips (and despite how Alvin didn’t like the cigs smell, his response is quite…). Not that I hate it. Hahah. But my hunny Tim nooooooo *crying intensifies. You know what, until this day I still think Tim is the uncrowned 2nd ML despite how straight he seems. Maybeeeee he didn’t realise that he actually likes Jude. Just ignore my nonsense ahahah. And the fact that Jude chose to burn everything felt like a sacred ritual you know. At 10, he ‘burned’ the messed-up parts of himself. And now, he did it again like he’s trying to start from 0. That’s the feeling I get anyway.

Oh btw, I just binged Moriarty the Patriot 2nd Season and I still can’t get enough of them uwu. And Vanitas got an anime finally yayyy. Honestly I’m still hoping that Pandora Hearts got a new anime season too since they are both by the same mangaka but I can only hope ~ Well. My ramblings are getting longer it seems the more we’re nearing the end. I’ll post the last 2 updates on the same day, some other day. See ya.