BBDW 77 [Black Butterfly] - Nevereverland
"You were sleeping on the sofa and I
had to move you since you rolled and fell off so hard. Doesn't your head hurt?"
Come to think of it, he had a small bump on
his head. Jude tilted his head, touching it with discontent. He doesn’t
remember falling off the sofa so far, but it seemed he was a little unstable
yesterday. Jude, who turned his neck aloud from side to side, soon scrambles
into the bathroom. He thoughtlessly took off his clothes and went into the
shower booth where the cold-to-the-bone water flowed out of the showerhead.
Jude, who shuddered once, turned the faucet a little harder. It was not until
quite a while before the water began to warm up. Drenched all over from his
head, Jude remembered what happened yesterday and let out a short sigh.
It was clear where the events that existed
like dots led to. The Waynebeck Orphanage would exist at the end of the ghastly
memory he saw yesterday, and at the end of the orphanage was his present-day
self. And that's the end of the whole story. It wasn’t bright just like he
thought it would be - it was not only miserable but also horrible, but that was
all. Although it gave an unknown little anxiety and some sense of loss, it did
not shake his mind to the root or bring out such intense emotion to the point of
blackout. It was a much more predictable situation than when the pieces about
Toby and Jenny first came to mind. It's just—'that’s not how it should have
been'. It filled his heart to the extent that he felt uncomfortable, similar to
the regret he felt at the hospital before. But to a certain extent, he couldn't
help it. It wasn't something he would regret or something to feel guilty
about. So why? Jude tilted his head lightly and picked up the shampoo bottle.
Suddenly, the bathroom door opened. Jude
looked with suspicious eyes at the figure, which was fuzzily reflected outside
the shower booth. Soon, the shower booth door opens and his face appears before
he could say anything --"Jude, eggs..."-- Jude lifts the showerhead without
hesitation and directs it to his face.
"-Pfft, what’s wrong with you?"
Jude shot curtly at Alvin, who hurriedly
raised his hand and blocked the stream of water from flying into his face.
"Didn't you learn that you can't just
walk in when someone takes a shower?"
"Okay, wait, my clothes are all wet.
Jude!"
Alvin snatched the showerhead from Jude's
hand, raising his light, laughter-mixed voice. His already wet enough face with
water dripping from his head was smiling cheerfully.
"Feel like playing a prank all of a
sudden."
"Are you kidding me, it’s self-defence.
Give me that, it's cold. Close the door."
"Why didn't you ask me why I came
in?"
"I prefer half-boiled eggs."
Alvin laughed aloud at the brief reply.
Alvin's eyes, nodding and trying to close the shower booth, paused on one part
of Jude's body. Jude, looking at the way he looked at him with that frown, said
curtly.
"You wanna get sprayed with the
hottest water? What are you looking at?"
"Gee. Hold back a minute. It's just,
you have a scar."
Alvin's fingertips swept slightly around
the back of his neck. He always got goosebumps whenever his cool hands suddenly
touched him. Turning away from the hand, Jude shrugged his shoulders.
"Of course, it's a scar on a
detective's body. Fortunately, I haven't been shot yet."
"I thought it’s in a weird place, so that's
why I looked at it. If you were confronting a criminal, you'd normally get a wound
on your arm or shoulder, you know...... so you'd have it in front of your body.
If you were attacked from behind, it wouldn't have ended with this little scar.
When did you get it?"
"I don't know, I don't reflect on
myself through the scars of glory by looking into the mirror. Get out of here,
it's freezing."
Shoving him with his bare foot, Alvin
answered yes and closed the shower booth. Grumbling inwardly that he's such a silly
guy, Jude sneaked a curious touch on the back of his neck, which Alvin had just
touched. I don't remember getting hurt here. There were not many
injuries in itself while chasing people with knives. After all, Jude was a cop
with a gun.
"That's weird…. when did I get
hurt?"
He wasn't the type of person who was
sensitive to every injury on his body - since it wasn't an average job – but he
was strangely bothered. He never made a fuss about his injury, but he never
forgot about his injury. Except for the wounds from the recent appearance of
Hender.
After taking a shower, Jude turned his head
away from the mirror. There was a thin, long scar on the back of his neck,
which could not be seen directly, but was visible through the side eye, as
Alvin said. Jude narrowed his eyebrows. He couldn't understand. Jude, who was
tilting his head for a while, forgot to grab a towel when a thought skimmed his
head.
-Wait. The back of your neck?
Instead of the cold that comes from being
covered in water, a somewhat qualitatively different chill swept through his
body. Wasn't the whole story of the nightmare visible? Jude's eyes grew bigger
with suspicion. It was as if he could hear the projector creaking faintly and turning
again. No, it was different. This was a new projector. It was a new nightmare that
he didn't even know at that time.
No way. That's nonsense. There's a degree to
how delusional you can be. Jude in the mirror was licking his lips naturally.
The water vapour formed on the ceiling dripped over his head.
Standing and facing the bathroom mirror for a
long time, Jude soon tilted his head slightly and dried his hair with a towel.
The intense sense of falsification that just grazed his mind was stuck to one
side of his head like a thick gum. But it was only a remote possibility close
to impossible, and Jude was able to dress up and come out despite being in an
endless cloud of doubt.
The smell of food that he doesn’t even
remember when he smelled it in his apartment rushed like a storm. Jude
approached the table with a slightly glum face, wrapping a towel around his
neck. Bringing two cups of coffee - Jude was surprised that the white coffee-making
machine, which had sat dusty, was clean - Alvin sat down, looking over Jude.
"What happened? What's wrong with your
face?"
"What's wrong with my face?"
"You’re a little pale. Your fever
already came down."
"It's because the hot water doesn't
come out well."
Most of the puzzle pieces given by the name
of Hender Hill were impeccably clipped together. It got him a great deal of work
and very tangled, but not beyond his comprehension. From the moment he flew
with Shelly until he escaped the house. It was also true that Alvin provided the glue to attach in between.
He had no further questions about the
horrors he saw on the plane. There was not much ambiguity about the orphanage
that followed. If there was anything unclear, it was about the three children.
Even that was a doubt that came from an unclear "feel" rather than an
unclear "fact". It didn't matter where he met the children, whether
the children’s bones came out of the fireplace or not. Jude saw everything that
mattered in the house and thought it was enough - rationally. But there was
still something left in the pipes like moss growing here and there. Something
that cannot just remain only ‘in the past.’ Jude could never be pleased with
that.
"Jude?"
When Alvin's puzzled voice was heard, Jude
shook his head and stopped thinking and held the cup of coffee. The calm smell of
coffee at home swept through his face once.
"I don't know how long it's been since
I drank coffee at home."
"When did you last clean up?"
"Um….. someday."
I definitely remember it was when the
first time I moved in. Jude, who could not bring
himself to speak out, answered vaguely.
"You don't even have a vacuum cleaner
at home. What would you do if there's a swarm of bugs?"
"I'm sorry, Mom. But I'm almost 30
years old now. I don't think it's any of your business if I want to raise cockroaches
in my room or a family of mice."
Alvin giggled and tilted his cup of coffee
as sarcasm featured with irritation filled his voice unlike when he joked at
Tim. There was no conversation until the simple breakfast was almost over. By
the time the plate of eggs and bread is empty and Jude is pouring the second cup
of coffee from the coffee pot, Alvin looked over Jude and opened his mouth.
"Yesterday, what happened?"
Jude did not immediately respond. The
coffee that came into his mouth suddenly seemed to be bitter.
"Just, well, I roughly get it. What
happened in the house, to a degree."
"What happened?"
He couldn't resist Alvin, who was curiously
demanding an answer. Jude clicked his tongue briefly. This was quite an
unpleasant situation, but he did not answer and it was difficult to gloss over
it. Alvin's eyes, looking at Jude who was slightly troubled, curled as if to
say there was nothing to worry about. Well, he wouldn't go anywhere and run off
his mouth. Eventually, Jude shrugged and recited quickly.
"Toby killed him, Toby killed Jenny,
and Hender killed Toby. And lalala, time to play with fire. That's it, don't
ask me anymore."
Alvin really didn't dig into it anymore.
The platinum-haired young man, who answered lightly, just quietly tilted his
coffee cup and smiled. He didn't really like his thoughtful face, and Jude also
turned his head without retorting.
"Why Hender was separated from you, do
you have any idea?"
Jude's eyes were shrouded at the casually
asked question. The words that came out were vague.
"... I don't know for sure. I can only
guess. And I don't care, because that will….”
Never happen anymore. It was the vibration of a small device that cut off Jude's voice, who
was trying to make a speech in a messy mood. Alvin's cell phone on the table
suddenly cried. It was a little more intense than Jude's, and Alvin looked at
the caller sign without showing any surprise and picked up the phone.
"It's me. How was it? Oh, I see. So.....
aha."
Alvin's nodding movement stopped unnaturally
at one point. Perhaps he had heard something strange, but his eyes frowned
suspiciously. The voice that came out after a while also contained an unusual
surprise.
"Really, is there any other
possibility? I see..."
The way he nodded his head dubiously didn't
look very good. Jude stared suspiciously at Alvin, whose lips were still on the
coffee cup as he leaned his head to it. Is there any unexpected information?
But what the heck is it? If it was this blue-grey-eyed young man sitting in
front of him, will he manage to stack up a complete tower with what he just
heard and what he investigated the night before yesterday?
"Yes, I understand. Thank you, you did
a good job."
Steadily, responding in a superficially-encapsulated
voice, Alvin closed the flip phone and turned to Jude with an unsmiling face. Drinking
the last sip of his coffee, Jude opened his eyes wide when he saw that face. It
was the most serious expression he's ever seen.
Jude couldn't get any positive
foreshadowing from that face at all.
"Why? What is it?"
"I told you yesterday, I'll ask the person who found the bone fragment if he remembers the child who lived with the
vagrant or any other children who lived nearby."
"You did."
"I just got a call from the person I
asked for. Fortunately, the witness was still alive."
So? Jude
looked at Alvin with glaring eyes instead of opening his mouth and asking. Listening
to the fact that he had predicted 90% of it makes things certain, but it does
not inspire any excitement. He'll say that three kids were seen hanging around together
some time ago. On Jude’s face, who puts the cup down dryly, Alvin looked for a
moment as if he was searching. Moments later, Alvin stared at Jude and slowly
opened his mouth.
"He was quite close to the dead vagrant.
So he knew that the vagrant was picking up a kid and ordering him to
pickpocket."
"Really?"
"It was one person."
Jude frowned suspiciously at the
out-of-the-box remark. What do you mean by one person? He couldn’t
understand it, and Jude asked a little bluntly.
"What, all of a sudden. What do you
mean, one person? A witness?"
"No, I mean the kid the vagrant
had."
It was not immediately clear to him what it
meant. Jude looked at Alvin foolishly. It was un-Judely to ask back certain
things over and over again, but he couldn't help it.
"All of a sudden, what the hell……?"
"He said there was definitely one.
About two and a half years before the vagrant died, the man snatched a child
who came into the alley. He used the kid to do chores."
"I'm sure he's someone else. There are
a lot of kids running into the back alley?"
"No, it's definitely Hender Hill.
Remember when you arrived at the Waynebeck orphanage, they published a
newspaper article to find your connection? He saw the picture in the newspaper
and said it was you. It's you, he’s sure that was the child who had been there."
"Then another..."
"Jude, listen up. It was just you. The
witness made it clear; you were the only one inside the house at 146th Street.
The other kids, and the little girl, he said he didn't see any of them."
Just me? Was it just me there? Jude's head was suddenly in a chaotic mess. No, it can't be. And
what about the ones he saw? The voices of Toby and Jenny, the children who were
so distinct? Where the hell did those kids come from and where did they go? The
blood they shed, the way they burned? Jude denied in a dazed voice.
"No…. There's no way. I'm sure they
were there."
"But there's no sign anywhere, except for
your words. Not even in the orphanage, and in 146th Street, where you said you
were so sure are together. Before this call, I thought it was a little strange,
but I didn't doubt it conclusively, but if there is such a definite testimony,
the story becomes strange. I'd like to ask you more about what happened."
Alvin's calm voice was not unusual, but
rather realistic. He was obviously telling the truth, and Jude had no choice
but to accept it. And those were incompatible facts. Jude puffed a few times
like a goldfish in a dirty fishbowl. He couldn't understand. Something is seriously
distorted and incoherent. The foundation of the tower, which had been standing
for a long time, collapsed little by little. Jude was fed up with what he had just
seen in the bathroom. Trace of a wound that stretched thinly behind his neck, a
scar as if he was scratched by something sharp and dirty a long time ago.
Just yesterday, Jenny, who he saw at the
house on 146th Street. Jenny, who was hurt behind her neck by broken glass.
Jenny, a girl who always cried and was affectionate and warm. Why was the wound
on her neck in the exact same place as it was on his neck.
Jude was out of breath.
- It wasn't that I didn't expect it at all.
When he lost the last person who look after him on the plane and went into the bleak orphanage from a senseless relative's
house, he was already in tatters beyond his control. Yeah, to the point of crumbling
like particles of sand without someone's help. The fact that there is no one
else in the world who cares about him has driven the child to an unbearable
cliff. After all, it was all a matter of affection. That's right. It was since
then. The fact that a couple of children were by Hender's side.
They've always been together, oddly enough.
Even though it's impossible. Jude's eyes got bigger. How could that have
happened? How did you get out of that impregnable orphanage with this
incredibly delicate girl? The tunnel wasn't that wide, and three at a time, even
though the three who were always stuck together escaped, the teachers did not
quickly chase after them. Why is that?
Toby, who was in the middle of being beaten
up by the man, would spit out vulgar words, and immediately after Jenny cried
and asked him to stop, and the man would make a strange expression. As if he
feels something wrong, as if he doesn’t understand. At the end of the day, only
violence remained, but he still remembers the weird expression on his face.
-This wasn't the way it should be.
Jude’s cold lips trembled.
- This wasn't the way it should be!
The words he uttered at the hospital went back in his ears. Even at that time, he didn't understand exactly what he meant even though he said it himself but he slowly understood that now, and a strange colour of fear that had never been felt before hit his heart. The scream from the deepest part filled his body and seemed to rupture it.
If he had killed someone for some reason, a Jude Green was confident that he would not regret it.
If it was someone else.
- You're like me. You act as if you are full
of emotions, but more than half are imitations.
- It's not sunflowers; it's like the smell
of bloody grass in the shade. Something that comes from people who have lost or
something is taken away.
- That's what she said. She thinks you're
missing something……
- That's the kind of smell you have,
Detective, but it goes a lot deeper. I'm right, right?
- You're not being honest. You’ve been
living with your head turned.
- You... how could you….. do this to me.........?
The words quickly circled in his head like stars
spinning in a storm. Yes, their words were right. Their eyes didn’t lie. The
dots come together in an instant, creating a cruel line. The line goes around
and strangled Jude.
-Thud! Jude slumped from the chair down to the floor. Alvin got up from his seat and knelt down in front of Jude. The heaving
did not subside even with the soothing hand sweeping and touching his back. The
realization of the inside story of a loss, that he was never completely aware of in
the past, was accompanied by a violent tidal wave. Jude squeezed Alvin's arm to
support him as he forced himself to breathe. He grabbed it hard enough to make
the bones look white at the knuckles, but there was no particular light of pain
on Alvin's face. Jude's green eyes were greyed out.
"I’ve... killed."
"Who?"
Alvin asked gently. It was clear that he had alread guessed. And I didn't know if he was interested or having fun with
that fact. But Jude couldn't afford to heed such little things. Facing his
serene blue-grey eyes with wide-open pupils, the blond detective stuttered and
threw up a saturated sound of fear.
"I..... me…. I’ve killed… I’ve killed and discarded me, myself."
* * *
😳😳😳 one of the most shocking wt* moments in my life didn't expect this at all 😶 and jude saying that he killed himself really made me sad 😢 and my expectations being shattered in the bath scene ☹️ but Alvin caring for Jude is all I need 3 chaps to go👏👏
ReplyDeleteThank you ❤️💯
Hahah you're welcome 😎 There'll be some good surprises later 😆
DeleteI'm incredibly touched with this chapter .I didn't expect that OMG!!!.the story is getting deeper and emotional . thank you
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome too 😉 It will get better don't worry 😌
DeleteIt was sunny but suddenly the storm came.
ReplyDeleteJude has schizophrenia?
Thank u!╰(*´︶`*)╯♡