BBDW 74 [Black Butterfly] - Nevereverland

Section 87 (UNEDITED) 

Jude tossed and turned. Light came through his eyelids. When he opened his eyes languidly, he saw Alvin with his arms crossed and his eyes closed at his feet. He's sleeping, too. Jude rose from the sofa, thinking blankly. He felt stiff all over his body. Furthermore, Jude, who found himself wearing the jacket, sighed briefly. It seems like I did it again. As he clicked his tongue and ruffled through his hair, Alvin opened his eyes, leaning against the sofa. The light pupils looked lighter in the sunlight. After a few blinks, his eyes bent slightly as he looked sideways. The platinum eyelashes glowed white.

"Are you up?"

"Yeah... Well... You’re sleeping, too."

"What are you thinking? I'm a human being, too."

"I'm sure there are hundreds of millions of people who'll disagree with that now."

"Oh, I can't deny it."

Sitting next to Alvin, who stretches quietly with his eyes closed, Jude took a moment and spoke.

"So, what happened?"

"There's a lot to say. Let's start with the name Hender Hill. I've done some research and found some newspapers and news articles that seem to have something to do with you."

"Me? Oh, my God, have I become a celebrity?"

Alvin didn't respond to the gimmick of bravado. He just asked with a grin on his face.

"What do you think it was?"

"I don't know."

"You probably already know, you've already outlined the big picture. Didn't you ask me to investigate for confirmation?"

"If you've got something, just tell me quietly. You know, it's not a subject I want to play riddles with."

Alvin no longer questioned him when he was retorted with a thin, icy voice. Instead, he raised his hand and drew a trajectory of something soaring into the air. There was no mischief on his face, but there was no tension either. Jude looked at the gesture suspiciously and opened his mouth with his head tilted.

"Flight?"

"Yes. You told me before that phobia doesn't all have a good reason, but I thought there must be a good reason why someone is friable as much as the next person, turns out there really is. To be exact, it wasn't about flight, it was about the aeroplane."

"About… the aeroplane......"

"Yes. I've probably found something that I think is. It was in 1979."

Alvin's voice was still a calm monotone. Jude crossed his arms with a hint of discomfort. It was not very unexpected, and the opponent in front of him was unravelling the fact in a flat voice. Alvin continued to talk while keeping his eyes on Jude.

"There was a small accident on a plane leaving New York for another state. The plane that was about to take off suddenly malfunctioned and sank to the ground shortly after it was airborne. The aircraft was tilted and out of balance, but fortunately, few people were seriously injured, because it wasn't that high. At worst, it was only minor fractures and bruises. But a woman was seriously injured. Whether it was the stewardess' mistake or the impact of the fall, a bag in the luggage compartment fell during the shake and hit the woman on the head. And she fell down the aisle."

-Hender, I can't keep you here anymore.

-Hender, make sure you fasten your seat belt.

-Hender, lower your body!

Jude's eyes narrowed. His empty stomach started to feel nauseous. He doesn't know if Alvin knows that or not, but he connected his words quietly without overdriving them.

"But the moment the plane door opened, people were half unconscious. Even if it wasn't a big accident, there must have been an error in the aircraft. I guess some brash people might have said that maybe there will be a huge explosion right now, and no one knows when and how it's gonna blow up next. So people were frantically flocking to the exit."

"What about her?"

"I told you, she was lying on the aisle. People didn't have time to take care of her. No, rather, they stepped on her mercilessly. She was trampled to death by people rather than smacked to death by a bag."

Udeudeuk, ppajik, kwak, kwadeudeuk, varied screaming sounds, a dissimilar scream buried amid them, indifference, confusion, fear, the height of the indisputable selfishness. In the cold machinery that was boiling like a witch's cauldron, the smell of the cabin was slicker than that of reptiles. A pair of eyes with deep regret faded in disgust like rotting maggots fuming a fishy smell. Jude clenched his fists tightly without realizing it.  

"And after everyone scrambled out of the plane, in addition to one body, one remaining person was found on the plane carried by the police and 911 crew. It was a little kid."

"Little........ kid."

Jude mechanically imitated Alvin. Alvin relaxed his shoulders and continued.

"Her name is Shelly Kendall. She was on the plane to send a child of a dead friend to an orphanage in another state. As for who the child is….I don't need to say any more about it."

-Hender, Hen..... der.....

It was a strange sensation. There was another point of view where he calmly regarded himself, like those people who shouted and shook while standing in the middle of the great quake. Hender Hill. The plain perception of looking at the situation simply made him want to throw up. The child's name was Hender Hill.

That was the name of the child who watched the woman who took care of him from the age of five to seven being crushed, rolled, and jounced in front of his eyes. Eventually, the blond little boy who was shivering without even thinking of running away, next to the woman who was left in the quiet fuselage with a strangely twisted shape, was Hender Hill. Nothing came to Jude's face.

"I think the child was entrusted with compensation to a distant relative who lived in New York. But after a while, the relative apparently sent the child to an orphanage in New York. They just swallowed the compensation. It was a boring pattern. They were worried about their family's situation, but it was just an excuse. It was a hushed rumour that appeared in the article, and I didn't even know he went to the orphanage until I called earlier in the morning and found out where the relative lived. I still don't know what happened to the child who went to the orphanage. I don't even know where it is. There's no trace, I'm thinking of making a phone call soon."

Help me!

The plane might explode! Argh! I broke my arm! We have to get out of here, stewardess, open the door! Open it! Open it! Hurry up! Calm down! Calm down, passengers! How do I look calm in this situation? Gosh, I think smoke is coming out of here! What? No!

Somebody help me. Ma'am is hurt!

Don't push me! Open the door! Open the door! Come on, Lenny! Lenny, my baby! Where's my kid? Do you know who I am? I can't die in a place like this! If you don't open the door, I'll sue you! Passengers, please calm down and wait!

Help…..

It's open! It's open! Get out, get out of here! Move!

The roar was like a herd of antelope being chased behind its back. Even though there was no one behind. He could hardly hear the sound of a body dying, buried in screams and shouts. And Hender, hiding under the seat, couldn't turn his eyes away. How madness escapes like a low tide, and who is pushed away by the tide. He could see everything. And the place where he arrived at, believing it to be a shelter, was nothing more than an illusion. He was led by a hand that didn't explain anything toward a garden without any flowers.

"-Jude?"

His body flinched as the hand lightly touched his shoulder. Sweat was dripping from his forehead and it was cold. Jude couldn't make up his word for a while. His voice that came out a long time later was a little hoarse.

"And what else?"

"What else, what do you mean?"

“Last night... Did I do something strange?”

"Oh, that. It was weird, more like impressive. I was quite surprised."

Alvin's lips went up lightly. It's a very interesting face for someone who was surprised. Jude, with a disgruntled look on his face, crossed his arms together. His hands were damp. Alvin reached out and placed his hand on Jude's shoulder again.

"Are you okay? You're pale."

"It’s fine, tell me."

"To put it simply, well, Hender and you seemed to be separated. Last night I talked to a kid named Hender, not you."

Even though it was somewhat expected, it could not prevent his heart from dropping. Jude tried hard to defuse his faint voice.

"What kind of........ talk?"

"He said a few things. He's not the original Hender, but he's the one you brought out."

"I…. pulled him out?" 

Jude asked back with suspicion. Alvin smiled and nodded.

"He said you needed him, but he didn't want you to know his existence. And he also said that he came out because you were not honest. Because you've been turning your head around."

Because I'm not honest. Because I turned my head around? Jude slowly chewed the words in his mouth. It was vaguely understandable but completely incomprehensible. What does this have to do with that? The quiet voice flew into Jude's ear, who was struggling with thoughts while touching his chin.

"And he told me about his friends. Jenny and Toby."

His word was like a thunderbolt. Alvin explained slowly to Jude, who turned his head quickly. The fact that he was staying with his friends at 146th Street, the image of Jenny and Toby described by Hender, and even the existence of 'the man'. And the words Alvin uttered at the end of the story made Jude, who had been dazed, even more stupefied.

"He said Toby killed Jenny. After that, he said he didn't want to talk."

Toby killed Jenny? Jude's eyes were wide open. Stormy whispers filled his head in a clamorous manner. Hender, no! Stop him! Shut up! Do something about her! Aaaaah! Don't do that, Toby! Don't do that! Shut up, you useless girl! What good are you doing, or we're all dead!

"Jude... are you okay?"

Alvin's voice was clearly ringing in his ears. But inside Jude's eyes, a different image was revolving like a flickering black-and-white movie.

A big old fireplace, full of old cobwebs and grey ash, with faded red bricks. There were children in front of it. He used to play while drawing with a pencil on the floor. He also played house with a mother and a father, who he didn't know well. He seemed to enjoy playing hide-and-seek. Jenny, you should be a mother. I'll be a dad. Cheey, Toby always wants me to be a mother only. So, Hender and I should be a mother? Jude laughed unconsciously. Yes, you should, Jenny. Or who else would be a mother?

"Jude."

The hand holding his shoulder shook his body strongly that instant. The images of the children quickly faded away. Jude waved his hand and mildly grabbed Alvin's hand and pulled it off. The blond detective, who was sitting on the sofa with a troubled face for a while, shook his head and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket.

Seven-thirty. If he anticipated today's action, there was one precautionary measure that should be taken. While searching for the number, Jude calmed his voice with a few rough coughs.

[Hello, this is Ben Malrickson.]

"Chief?"

[Oh, Jude! How is it? Are you feeling better?]

Jude coughed loudly. Alvin, who was sitting in front of him as he makes a dying voice and bends over, laughed quietly. Glancing at him, Jude stuttered out his words in a locked voice.

"Koo, koo! No, it's a little.....it's just I feel like I'm sick, I'm thinking about taking a sick leave, maybe... or just taking it as a vacation...."

[What, are you feeling sick? Have you seen a doctor?]

"No, not yet, I'm just sick, so I think it'll be better if I rest. I mean…"

[.......okay, I understand. I'll take care of that, so take it easy. I've been thinking that you should take a break since you've been spinning around so much.]

"Oh, that, Chief, please tell Tim not to worry so much. I don't think I'll be home for a while, so I'm going to stay at someone I know. I don't think my apartment is a good place to relax."

[Although, he’s been so busy these days that even if he’s worried, he would only be able to call you. Then take a rest, I'll hang up.]  

Jude, who said goodbye and coughed in a crawling manner, soon put his cell phone in his pocket with a long sigh. Punching Alvin a little, who’s giggling at him, Jude briefly looked at the broken wall clock with a few missing screw, then got up and went into the bathroom.  

Jude, who turned on the washbasin tap and washed his face with tap water that did not get warm no matter how long he waited, raised his wet face and looked in the mirror. Drops of water hanging from the tip of his chin fell. As he stared at his mesmerizing face, he soon wiped his face roughly with a towel and came out. Jude, as he turned his head toward Alvin, who was moving his gaze along his path, spoke up after a brief gap.

"...... I've got to go."

"Where?"

"To that house, 146th Street."

"Do you know exactly where it is?"

Jude did not answer. Alvin, too, no longer asked after a few seconds. Instead, he asked something else.

"Can you go alone?"

"I'm sure I'll be fine. In the meantime, let me ask you one more favour."

"Tell me."

"You know someone at the police station. At our station."

Alvin smiled faintly without saying a word. That’s a given of course. Jude spoke succinctly instead of being tongue-tied.

"I need you to look into any unresolved cases on 146th Street, about 17 years ago or so."

"Sure."

It was a plain answer. Jude, who was looking at his face without expression, turned his head just before leaving the apartment door and spat out in a monotonic voice at the man.

"I don't know if I'm doing a good job trusting you. The greatest murderer of all alright.”

Alvin bowed his head for a moment with a tone like he’s repeating himself. The light blue-grey eyes that soon lifted up were calm.

"I've definitely killed a lot of people, and it might happen if it happens in the future. But I don't 'kill my own people', I'm not that relaxed. I've explained enough before."

"As for your own people is n-"

"You're going to say you’re not. But there's a limit to denial, ‘Detective’.”

Being called in honour of that title, Jude was stiffened by the signs of sarcasm. It was the first cynical voice he had ever heard from Alvin. Jude's hand, which held the doorknob, rises in strength. Very rarely, the unyielding voice pushed Jude.

"No, you know that inside. I'm the only one you know who can truly understand you, even if I'm not quite like you. That's why you're leaving me the job now. To me, not to your colleagues who say they are close to you. You may want to draw a safe line in advance because if I dig up the history of the parts that make you up, you can't deny it anymore, but it's too late. I stepped in, and it was you who opened the door. That fact does not change. So don't try to shirk your responsibilities."

Jude hardly blinked and looked at his expressionless face as if he was smiling. He couldn't point out the reversal from the interlocking eyes like cogwheels that clink together. The only thing ringing in the silence was the second hand of the broken clock that had not yet been changed. By the time Jude thought the second hand had passed at least thirty times, Alvin grinned. It was a slightly distorted smile than usual.

"Stop being a detective, or I’m going to kill anyone if you don't come with me? No, I would if it worked, but it wouldn't work for you. So don't even deny such a natural fact. I'm a softie just for you. It hurts."

"...... is it time to laugh?"

“No.”

What if the person who answers to that actually laughs, you annoying prick. Jude swallowed his words and sighed briefly. The tension in the air was gone before he knew it.

"I’ll be back."

"Yeah."

The answer came back milder than he thought. The door closed dryly.

*        *        *

Can we take a moment to appreciate how Alvin is being honest about everything that happened to Jude and didn’t leave out anything? And I hope you can more or less understand a bit of Jude’s state of mind before he was 10. Imagine a chibi Usui Takumi went through all that QAQ noooo. One day, you’ll come back crying to this. And that is some high-level conversation between them in the last few paragraphs I just need to take a deep breath. Okay see ya.